A year and a half after promising to emerge from unintentional and occasional but still neglectful hiding, followed by sudden, self-imposed and seemingly permanent blog exile, I appear to have returned. What can it mean? Why would la bohémienne have been satisfied to navel gaze in solitude all of this time, and then, without warning (to herself or to others), feel a need to share all that lint with all and sundry once more?

There is only one possible explanation.

I crave attention. Your attention. The need has never fully disappeared. It was there, lurking barely beneath the surface, waiting to emerge when my attention was elsewhere. Angst doesn’t go away, not really. It just hides, and attacks when defenses are low. And now, I feel as vulnerable to that attack as I have in many months.

If I must be honest (must I?), I secretly enjoy that vulnerability. It seems to me that every grand and intense experience occurs when I feel least able to handle the consequences. That seems a fair trade-off to a self-identified drama queen.

So here I am, ready to verbally wring my hands and wail my confusion in (anonymous) public once more. I do hope that you will accept this implied apology. I know that I’ve taken you for granted, and I really don’t deserve a second chance. I know you, though, and your legendary generosity. If you take me back, believe me, read me, tell me you love me, I promise to be faithful to you, only you, only all of you.

Or at least occasionally amuse you with my not-so-quiet desperation.

Automated

December 16, 2007

This post is being written by an automated blogging device.

If Bohémienne had any integrity as a blogger, she would have updated this so-called blog many days ago. Since that is clearly not the case, the Automated Blogging System (ABS) has been activated. This blog will contain all of the required and habitual elements:

1) Navel-gazing

I am a most interesting blogger. I have no doubt that you are fascinated by each and every one of my scintillating words. Today I choose to pass along the following tidbit of wisdom — try not to take on too much over the Christmas season, or you may, in fact, run out of time to write. 

2) Angst

Do you still love me, even though I haven’t been posting regularly? Have you decided to abandon me as a lost cause? Please… I really can’t get by without your attention. I promise to do better. Don’t leave me.

3) Self-deprecation

Really, it isn’t as though anything I write is worth your time and effort. I’m awfully ordinary. I’m more than grateful for your attention, and I take it with a grain of salt. Truly, my talent isn’t so great. No, no, stop it. I blush.

If Bohémienne decides to get off of her ass and post again soon, this ABS will not need to be activated again. In the meantime, your patience is appreciated.

ABS